Angst
by The Bleeding Pen
Summary: Hitsugaya Toshirou deals with a heavy burden.


Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

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He could hear the screams from down the hall.

Many fourth division offices moved briskly away from the room with their heads bowed. Only a few were brave enough to meet his chilling gaze and even they couldn't keep the fear from rising in their eyes which resulted in them hastily turning their heads away. They didn't want him to see the pity in their eyes. For that he was grateful, he didn't want their pity. The screaming abruptly ceased but the silence was no better. It was eerie and tense combined with an unnatural ability to stop your breath in your chest. He pressed on, as he always did and would. The hall seemed irregularly long today or perhaps he was moving too slow. Whatever the reason, it didn't help ease his anxiety.

The door was a beacon against stark white walls. The door wasn't blocking him from his goal. It didn't serve its purpose to obstruct his path, that task belonged to another. Then suddenly it was before him, almost mocking his fruitless efforts of consistently attempting to reach out to what was behind it. He glared in response, more so in anger at his own limited capabilities. His fist clenched, shaking slightly. Was he so useless? He held the immense power of the strongest ice zanpakuto at his finger tips yet couldn't accomplish the thing he wanted the most. For what he wanted, he would give Hyourinmaru without hesitation even if that meant he would be giving up a part of his soul. It would be no use though, he knew. He could do nothing.

The door slid open with a suddenness that threw him off guard and out of his own self-pity. He managed to gracefully recover before another's presence joined him. The look on their face forced him to steel himself for anything negative that might spew from their mouths. Bitterly he wondered why he never seemed to receive good news. What use what it to be the most powerful healer in all of Soul Society when you couldn't do anything? He knew that wasn't fair of him, but he had to blame someone, anyone, and Unohana Retsu just happened to be the first person within his path. As she closed the door behind her with the gentleness of a healer, her eyes took in his form. She wasn't surprised to see him there. Why should she? He was there frequently as of late.

The fourth division captain never revealed anything in those eyes of hers. He hated not being able to prepare for whatever news she would give him. A small, polite smile curved her lips up but it never reached her eyes. She looked extremely tired. He never considered what kind of effect this situation was having the fourth division captain.

"Good morning, Captain Hitsugaya. She's been doing well…" the fatigue on her face didn't show itself in her voice.

"What do you consider well, Captain Unohana?"

"Her vitals are all stable. She is in perfect physical health. However, there is no progress in her mental health. Do you still wish to see her?"

He numbly nodded once. Why she continued to ask him such a question, he didn't know. She should have already known the answer he would give her. He suspected that she doing it for his own benefit. It wasn't having a positive effect on his own health seeing the patient on the other side of the door. Hitsugaya would endure though, he would work his way through for her.

Unohana said nothing for moment. Her sharp eyes washed over him as though she was giving him a mental examination. He always felt as though she could see right through him, so he was relieved when she blinked and released a soft sigh. She stepped aside leaving the pathway unobstructed and swept past him to attend to her daily duties.

"Go on then. Perhaps there will be some progress today."

Hitsugaya was left alone once more with the door. There was no point in wasting for more time. He too had duties to attend for the day and even though this was important, so was the condition of his division. Sharply inhaling, he reached out and curled his pale hand around the door handle before thrusting it open.

She sat in the middle of the room, muttering quietly to herself and rocking back and forth. One quick glance around the room told him that she wasn't happy today. The bed was turned on its side and the sheets, pillows, and comforter looked as though they had been thrown around the room without a care. There were pieces of paper beside her that looked as though they had been ripped viciously. The room was rather blank beside the bed. The fourth division members didn't allow much in the room due to the fact it could become a hazard.

With caution, he approached her as though she was a frightened animal. He didn't know if she was aware of his presence yet for she had yet to acknowledge him. In any case, if he just rushed at her it would surely set her off into one of her screaming fits again. He circled around her until they were facing each other. She was looking at the ground, continuing her muttering and still hadn't chosen to acknowledge him yet. Slowly, he kneeled before her. The minutes ticked by as he watched her emerged in her own little world. Finally he decided to speak, his voice low and gentle.

"Momo…? It's me. It's Toshirou."

Hinamori Momo immediately stopped her rocking and mutterings. Her large, brown eyes underlined with dark rings lifted from the ground to look at Hitsugaya. Hinamori looked horrible. Her face was slightly sunken in because at times she chose to throw her food rather than eat it. Her body suffered the lack of nutrition as well and she was dangerously thin causing her shinigami robes to hang loose on her body. Her hair, no longer held in a bun, fell limp on her shoulders and the grey strands stood out against her normally dark hair. It hurt him to see Hinamori like this. It cut deeper than any zanpakuto could ever do. Awkwardly, he reached out and gently grasped one of her thin hands. Hinamori attempted to smile but it came out strained and sad.

"Shiro-chan…"

"Yeah…how are you, Momo?"

"They…won't let me see Captain Aizen."

Hitsugaya's lips fell from the slight smile he had put on for his childhood friend into a grim line. Hinamori wasn't aware that Aizen had fallen in the war to Ichigo. A light sigh escaped his lips and he gripped Hinamori's hand tighter.

"Momo, you can't see Aizen."

Hinamori snatched her hand away from Hitsugaya. She held it to her chest as though it burned. A frightened look overcame her features and she began to tear up. Hitsugaya had witness her cry almost everyday he came to see her, but it didn't hurt less the more he saw it.

"I can't…I can't without Captain Aizen," she murmured miserably, "I have no one…"

Those words struck Hitsugaya hard. He had always been there for Hinamori. Always a step behind her, ready to protect her at all cost. He could give up his life for Hinamori and yet…and yet she never noticed him. Even if she was mentally ill due to Aizen's influence, how could she forget all those years of friendship? How could she believe that only Aizen had been there for her? Why did she still believe his innocence after her attempted to murder her? So many questions listed through his mind and the only person who could answer them was unfit to answer anything. His expression was soft yet sad as he spoke his next words.

"I'm here…"

"You're not Captain Aizen!"

She began screaming then. Her screams filled the room causing his ears to ring. She ran her nails deeply into her arms and legs leaving large, angry scratches as well as drawing a bit of blood. If there was any pain, she didn't appear notice and soon after scratching herself she began to pull at her hair. Hitsugaya gritted his teeth in attempted to remain calm but Hinamori was being exceptionally difficult today. Hitsugaya cared for Hinamori greatly, but his temper was known wide and far for being notoriously short.

He reached out and roughly grabbed Hinamori's shoulders. Hinamori paused in her screams, her tears ridden eyes gazed into his piercing teal eyes. She seemed to crumble even further looking into his eyes. More tears welled up to spill over her lips and down her cheeks. She fell into his arms and clutched to him like she was afraid he would disappear if she let go. Hitsugaya allowed a sigh to escape his lips once more. He raised one hand and softly put it on top of Hinamori's head in response. Relief flooded his body that she had calmed down.

"Shiro-chan, will you please let me see Captain Aizen?"

Her words shattered his relief. He rapidly pulled back and held her at arms length. Hinamori looked at him in confusion, obviously unaware of the impact her words held. Hitsugaya's eyes hardened as he decided to tell the truth even though he knew it might push Hinamori to the brink. She needed to hear this however.

"Momo, Aizen is dead."

A loud smack resounded throughout the room. Hitsugaya's face was slightly turned with an angry red mark glaring from his cheek. The shock was apparent on his features. Slowly, he turned his head back to look at Hinamori. Hatred burned in her narrowed brown eyes. At this moment she seemed to detest him.

"How could you say such a thing? Captain Aizen isn't dead. Why would you lie?!"

"It's not lie! Kuro-"

"Be quiet! I don't want to hear anymore! Get out! Get out!"

She began to hit him anywhere she could lay her hands. Her attacks were weak and Hitsugaya could have easily dodged but didn't. Hitsugaya continued to take the abuse all the while still trying to talk to Hinamori.

"Momo!"

"I hate you!"

"Captain Hitsugaya, it's time to go."

Hinamori paused in her assault long enough to turn her angry gaze on a solemn Unohana who stood in the doorway waiting patiently. She wasn't happy with Unohana either for the woman was keeping her locked up in the room away from her previous Captain Aizen. The anger on her face seemed to boil even hotter. Then the screaming came once more. Hitsugaya was able to stumble away from Hinamori during her tantrum. Unohana gently urged Hitsugaya out of the room. He managed to take one more look at Hinamori before the door shut separating them once more.

The silence between them was heavy. Unohana said nothing, merely watching Hitsugaya. His shoulders were sagged and one could tell there was obviously a heavy burden upon him. Every time Hinamori's screams changed, he flinched just a bit. The 10th division captain looked older than he ever had, but that was to be expected. When one dealt with harsh reality, one tended to age much quicker. The silence between was broken by Hitsugaya clearing his throat.

"I'll be back tomorrow."

"Captain Hitsugaya, I don't think-"

"I'll be back tomorrow," he said once more, more firm.

Unohana couldn't help but admire his persistence and loyalty to Hinamori. Smiling, she gave him a brief nod.

"Alright."

With that, he turned on his heel to return to leading the 10th division. For a man with a heavy heart, he stood tall unwilling crack under the profound burden.

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End file.
